I’ve been having changing feelings about what it means to give and receive gifts of value, and I am beginning to feel that there are a few things I should put down in writing, even if my views aren’t fully formed as of yet.

I should be really careful to say that I love receiving gifts, and gifts that are given thoughtfully are the best kind, even if they are not exactly what I expected. If effort is put into giving a gift, then it’s a great gift.

But I think one of the biggest problems with commercialized holidays, particularly Christmas, is this idea that the giving has to be exactly what the receiver of gifts wants, and in a consumer culture, it’s no wonder that gift giving has been reduced to lists or even registries for birthdays and holidays (not so much babies and weddings–I think those kind of registries do have some value).

But I feel like I don’t even want that many gifts this year, because I already have SOO much stuff that I would rather get rid of. If it was a gift that enhanced a particular hobby or was exceptionally useful for myself or my whole family, then I would like it better than something that might not get used. Practical gifts are more my cup of tea than lots of other things that I don’t really need, and I feel bad accepting gifts that I know I won’t use, even if there is some thought put into it.

I struggle back and forth, because the GIVER is the more important person in the gift-giving pair, and because it is their feelings that matter more sometimes than those of the person receiving the gift. If I am giving someone something I get excited and hopeful that they will like the gift, and I feel slighted if I find out they didn’t like it. I generally try to put effort into a gift, but there are times when it becomes difficult to do this, because at times it seems like people can be like Rachel from Friends, who would rather you buy her something off a pre-approved list and will return gifts that are not “up to scratch.” It would be really disappointing to give to someone like that in real life, because you would feel like that person did not appreciate your effort, and that they are a generally materialistic person who cares not for sentiment, but for getting exactly what they want.

I know that when we went to Egypt and we were buying gifts for our immediate family, it took a long time to decide what to get everyone, and the effort involved was great. I didn’t feel like we even did that great a job in picking out everything exactly as it should be, but we definitely didn’t just grab a handful of things to give to people without thinking. But on the other hand, if I were receiving a gift that someone brought back from a foreign country I would be thrilled to receive whatever they gave me, because that’s the kind of thing that’s “cool”.

But honestly, I personally feel this year that there are so many better ways to spend money than buying lots of flashy gifts for people. I plan on making all of my gifts something meaningful or special for the person receiving them, even if they don’t cost a whole lot. I’ve already come up with a few ideas for Nour and Alex, and I’m having trouble with Sam, but for each of the kids, I have it in mind to keep the gifts to practical but fun, and even if we end up buying them some toys, they will not be of the “cheap plastic” variety, but will be 1. something that goes with toys they already have or 2. something that replaces toys that are no longer age appropriate.

I still feel like gift-giving occasions are special and should not be discarded just because we think that we are too high and mighty for that, and I think that showing our love through gifts is something to be valued, just as showing love through other acts of kindness and service and affection are important. But I’d rather get one really special gifts than a hundred gifts that are just trinkets and given with little thought or effort. I believe a gift should cost something, not just monetary, but something more. I think gifts should be something of a sacrifice of the person giving, not difficult to give, but definitely giving something of themselves with the gift.