Filed under: deep thoughts
I’ve spent some time recently reading about the process of courtship and betrothal, not for personal reasons, obviously, but because I’m interested in how it compares to dating, and what the real reasons are behind a Christian cultural shift back to this old style of matchmaking.
One of the things that has popped up a few times is the idea that courtship keeps hearts from getting broken. This has many implications, and the fact that the statement above has been proven false more than once makes me believe that maybe courtship isn’t right for every reason.
So about the question. Should we ever allow heart-break? If we try to shield our children from ever having their heart broken by someone of the opposite sex, does that truly prepare them for marriage? I’m sure that in many traditional societies, this kind of thinking really makes no sense. Basically, children who have their spouses chosen for them don’t ever really have to think about dating or finding a mate, and therefore will probably not get their hearts broken by the opposite sex prior to a marriage. But most traditional societies today are also often poorer societies, meaning that they have less access to modern medicine, and meaning that death is a natural part of life, so there is some experience in loss that we typically find much more tragic here in the US.
So what I’m trying to say is that in our modern society where we typically do not lose loved ones until old age, heart-break does not happen the way it does when you lose a sibling or parent or other family member often throughout your life. Which means that we really are afraid of loss, not broken relationships.
I am thankful not to have lost anyone very close to me to death at this point, most of the people I have lost have been older and their deaths, while no less tragic, were somewhat easier to handle than the death of a child or parent. But I have known the pain of a broken heart through a broken relationship. This kind of pain is something that, while not everyone handles it in the same way, all people WILL have to experience in at some point in their lives. Losing a relationship is in many ways like losing a loved one. The person is not gone forever, and there is a chance of reconciliation (if you both want it), but in the meantime there will always be a twinge of grief when you think of that person, no matter what the reason behind the break-up.
Ultimately, though, I think that allowing children to have their hearts broken is not a bad thing. I think it gives us empathy for others, it makes us stronger, and it certainly helps us understand more of what God has been through with us. But also, it can prepare us for marriage, as well. Within marriage, things are not a rosy picture every second of every day. In fact, there are times when our spouses will break our hearts, too. It won’t be the worst kind of heartbreak, but hurt feelings and shattered expectations still take time to heal. If we expect for things to always be happy and never prepare ourselves for grief, we can end up much worse off. Knowing pain helps us to avoid that which is painful, but it also reminds us that we are human.
Alex has been going through the infant into toddler stage for a while now, and he has really begun to blossom into a cute and funny little boy. He has been saying a new word or two every day, and it’s hilarious sometimes what we hear. Some of his new words are: my, bite, door, ball, hey, what, and why. He says “what” in a very inquisitive way, and asks for a bite of whatever I’m eating.
He’s also become very destructive. I’ll leave a room only to come back later and find everything I had put away strewn all over the floor. This is highly amusing to him, and he also finds great enjoyment in putting things in unusual hiding places. This is not a new thing, but it seems to be getting worse. In a way, it’s funny to find things in unexpected places, but sometimes, it’s rather frustrating and even sometimes a little gross.
He loves cherry tomatoes and would pick them off the plant if I let him. He eats them like grapes–which he also loves, and gets upset when we run out of them. He’s a piggy with food, he eats practically anything you set in front of him and is constantly asking for more. I can tell he’s growing fast, he’s speeding past Nour’s size when she was nearly a year older than him. It’s fun to watch him manipulate a fork (a metal salad fork–it’s the only way he will use one), and just watch him grow up in general.
He and Nour get along okay as long as she’s not being bossy, and she’s usually bossy, so there are times when I see the beginnings of a rivalry. Overall, I think they will be buddies, because she finds ways to amuse him, and she’s usually trying to help out whenever he gets crabby, but she still has the tendency to be the bossy big sister that we all know and love. The two of them still share a bath sometimes, and she loves helping wash his hair and belly, and they love splashing each other (and the floor) with the water. It’s a lot of fun to see them growing up together, and I can tell that their relationship is strong right now, even though Alex is still learning how to socialize.
Having kids was something I always wanted, but I never really thought about “being a mom.” I always thought of it as me having them, but they have me just as much, which is really awesome. I love being with my kids, and I love seeing them learn and do new things and the looks on their faces when they figure something out for the first time. I am really proud of my kids, and I wouldn’t trade them for the world. They are such little sweeties (especially Alex, okay, just kidding, they’re both sweet, when they want to be).
Filed under: gardening
As far as growth was concerned, my garden did very well this summer. But I had a few other “issues” to deal with. mainly weeds and pests, and I have figured out a way to hopefully eliminate (or reduce) both.
For one, I’m going to use straw and newspaper in combination, as my friend Suzanne suggested, underneath the soil in my raised beds. This helps keep weeds from growing through and composts nicely, too.
Second, I’m going to build a better fence around my garden with the chicken wire I already have and some posts and boards I’m going to have to buy over winter.
Third, I’m going to mulch and put rocks between the beds to make it a cozy little garden area, instead of the mess in the corner that it feels like right now.
I also need to make some shields for my corn (the birds!) and a few other veggies, and I’m going to use some screen over other veggies that the animals like to eat (lettuce, broccoli, carrots and berries). I realized that I need better supports for the tomatoes as well, so I’m going to build some chicken wire tomato supports to place around each plant. And I”m going to plant fewer tomatoes next year. I realized that two plants of grape tomatoes can produce way more than we eat (or I should say “I eat”) and I have been giving them away a lot, too. Maybe only 6-8 plants instead of 12…
I also realized that if I add some sand to the soil it will help break up the chunks that are still there, and will hold some moisture that seems to leave rather quickly on the hotter days.
So I’ve got a lot of ideas for how I can get this done, and even spent part of yesterday drawing it up, but I am really not sure how much it would cost. Maybe more than we can afford, but we’ll do as much as we can.
Cool garden news: My sunflowers are beginning to bloom. They’re short, but they’re popping out!
Filed under: 5S
I realized today that I’ve sort of abandoned the whole “Five S” system for a while, even though I’ve still given it a great deal of thought. I read an article about Starbucks implementing lean manufacturing the other day, and it gave me a pretty good picture of what we ought to do to make our lives simpler. Of course, we don’t need to make tasks move as quickly as they do at Starbucks, but less walking back and forth to get things done is still beneficial for anyone who doesn’t have all the time in the world to spare.
I learned the term “streamline” from an organization book I bought several years ago, and have tried to use it in my kitchen in particular. When we say “streamline” we really mean “lump together” tasks that often fall in the same category or are done in the same place. You wouldn’t keep the knives ten feet away from the space that you use them most, you would put them right there, so you can reach them without walking all over the place. Same with the cutting boards. You would keep them close by as well, so you don’t have to move everywhere just to do one task.
And so it goes with the kitchen. I’m trying to come up with ways to do this in other parts of the house as well. Specifically, I’ve been keeping the DVDs and videos in the same place for several years, right under the DVD player. Generally, everyone does this, and we don’t even think about how it saves us time and frustration. There are lots of different ways we can do this kind of streamlining, it’s just a matter of coming up with clever ideas to do it.
Filed under: gardening
No, I don’t have any new pictures right now. But what I do have is a boat-load of tomatoes, potatoes, onions, some carrots, a pumpkin, a little corn, and a whole mess of herbs.
Yesterday I made some tomato sauce with about 4 pounds of Roma tomatoes, of which I have several more pounds ripe and many unripe on the vine. I also made some salsa with some patio tomatoes–the ones that get to about 2 inch diameter, which turned out well with my green onions and some nice red and white onions from the garden as well.
I managed to grow 2 sugar/pie pumpkins, one is fully grown and done, the other is still growing and getting bigger. The one that is grown is larger than the ones I bought at the farmer’s market, so I think it will yield at least 2 pumpkin pies when it’s baked and pureed. The other is considerably smaller, so it will probably end up getting decorated.
What has been successful:
Tomatoes–all of them have grown some delicious fruit.
Potatoes–an unexpected surprise, I’ve gotten several pounds of potatoes each time I go to find them. It’s fun to get dirty, too!
Pumpkins
Basil, Chives, Oregano, parsley, and dill. The cilantro went all weird and bolted really early for some reason. At least I’ll get coriander when it’s done drying.
Onions–they had to be picked small because of a lot of rain that started rotting some of them while we were away, but we got a lot of them and they are being used well.
Lemon Verbena–both plants are growing like crazy, and I’m glad one is in a pot, because they will need to come inside for the winter, I think.
Peppers: I’ve gotten several already, but I realized that most of my seeds somehow got mixed up, so I’m not really sure what is going to come out of the garden when they are all grown!
Squash: prior to the squash bug infestation, I got several good sized squash.
Cucumbers: Big fat ones. Yum.
Peas: Got a considerable harvest before we left. Might plant again soon.
Beans: I need to get vine beans next year instead. The bugs or the sun or something kills the leaves and fruit of these plants.
What wasn’t so hot:
Corn: I think that this just didn’t get um, fertilized properly. I guess I’ll have to do this by hand next time.
Zucchini: I don’t know why, but they just wouldn’t grow, then the plant died. Boo.
Lettuce: Well, I would have done better if the freaking rabbits didn’t keep eating it.
Broccoli: Same problem.
Carrots: Got a few, but they suffered from rabbits as well.
Berries: I guess this was a trial year. I need to learn more about berry bushes.
Watermelon: plant wouldn’t grow, even when I moved it to a more open space. Guess I’ll have to try again next year.
Cumin and Chamomile didn’t get anywhere this year, I’ll have to start them a little earlier next time and keep them watered well.
Mildly successful:
Eggplant: I don’t know about these yet, because they JUST started flowering. They may get a chance to grow something tasty, but I’ll have to let you all know later if they got anywhere.
Strawberries: I think the problem was that they need to be covered because the birds peck away at the berries, and we ate the ones they didn’t almost straight off the plants. But they were good, anyway.
On the whole, a fairly successful summer, but it’s not over, and I still can grow a fall crop if I want (or “late summer”), because I still have 2 good solid mild months coming. I think this was a learning year, but some stuff was really easy to grow, while others needed more help. For someone who just planted and watered, I think I did okay, but I know for next year what to do differently.
I should warn you that you may see a temporary (or permanent) shift in the focus of this blog, not because of anything I’ve decided, but because I’ve really had a change in priorities lately. I want to share more about my observations of Egypt, and the fact that I have learned a lot more than I ever expected in just a few short weeks there.
I am struggling with where to begin, because there is so much to share, and I can only think of a small part of it at one time. I want to be able to do each observation justice, but I tend to go all ADD when I’m writing and lose track of what I’m talking about.
The time we spent in Egypt was short, but very informative. I learned a lot through conversations and observing the behavior of people on the street, but the most important things were things that would affect us, if we live there.
One of the things that we have felt that we will do when we move to Egypt is teach marriage and family ministry classes. This is something that has become a greater need in the last few decades in Egypt, as the influence of western culture has come in, and many Christian families are struggling to have marriages that are what they were 40 years ago, even in Egypt. The divorce rate is still low, but happiness in marriage is waning, and we really want to change that for as many people as we can reach. We have been training with our church’s marriage and family ministry to be marriage coaches, but we really see ourselves translating and converting the material to fit Egypt’s growing need.
There are also many people in Egypt who are seeking to change the status quo, and a couple of family members have expressed interest in our marriage information. Hopefully, this material can come of good use to the training center and churches who are seeking to strengthen marriages for young couples. I want to make it clear that we are not the ones who wrote the material, nor are we the experts on it, either. We would simply be teaching someone’s material that has proven effective, with his permission, of course.
The fact that these two things have come together, and that this subject has come up often in our discussions of Egypt is no coincidence. I really feel like God is moving us in this direction and hope that we will be able to do some good.
Surprising, the culture of Egyptian marriage is much like our marriages here. There’s not much difference in the way things are handled within the Christian community, except for a lower divorce rate, and the fact that people often live in unhappy arrangements because they feel like they have to, rather than leaving. Here or there, we want to see marriages becoming stronger and happier, through real helpful counseling by Christians who have been there and who are truly invested in helping marriages become stronger, and not just some group’s theology.
