My attitude toward fashion has changed significantly recently, and while I can trace the change back to a certain movie that I watched, the same movie gave me two very contrary perspectives on the “fashion world.”
On the one hand, fashion can be viewed as a “god” (or “goddess”, for that matter) to many. She is adored, idolized, and sacrificed to on a daily basis. The “price” of fashion is great, and what comes with it is often the well-being of the soul.
But on the other hand, one of the main characters pointed out that those in the fashion world hand our styles to us on a plate. Color, design, style, are all filtered down to the masses from “high above.” While this certainly doesn’t seem like a wonderful purpose, clothing in our world is something of a necessity, so we need someone to look out for our “sense” of fashion, whether we follow the trends or only buy a new outfit every other year.
Sam has been reacting positively to my changes, from the style of clothing I’ve started picking out to the fact that I care about how my hair looks when we go out the front door. I think I go through phases on this, but in general, I have, in the past, cared very little about the way I look when I leave the house. But I’m taking more notice now, and I honestly don’t know what about that movie or life in general pushed me to change this attitude.
I certainly don’t think that I want to become more materialistic. I am very aware of cost, and I am very cautious about what I buy and when, and especially how much it is going to cost. I don’t want to spend a lot of money to look good, because you don’t have to.
But this isn’t just about that. It’s about how in the world I can serve Jesus with all of this? I wouldn’t go downtown to help the poor in 4″ heels and a miniskirt, so what use is it? Well, I think that in our society, looking somewhat put-together on a day-to-day basis is important. And it doesn’t hurt to help you get a job if you need one. And doing this in a modest and appropriate way is even better as a Christian woman.
I don’t believe that modesty means that you have to be frumpy, and I don’t believe it means you have to dress like Laura Ingles. I think it means that you can take fashion and do it modestly. Wearing shorter skirts isn’t immodest, showing a little leg isn’t bad. It’s when you do so in hopes of getting attention from men who aren’t your husband and all the while wearing a sexy demeanor and behaving like a teenage girl who giggles at all the cute guys. It’s wearing fashionable clothes in a professional manner.
The thing about modesty is that women are not at fault for the lustful thoughts of men UNLESS they dress intentionally to make men lust after them. If I’m dressing just to look nice and a man lusts after me, that is not my sin. I do not take credit nor do I feel that I should be blamed. It is the same way if a woman looks lustfully at a man. We cannot blame the object of our lust for our sin, anymore than we can blame a rape victim for being raped! In God’s eyes this is one and the same sin.
If a woman does not want a man to ever look at her lustfully, I can understand that, but I can also say that there is a bigger issue at work in her, and she needs to examine that.
I recently posed the scenario to my husband that I’m not a huge fan of wearing dresses on a daily basis, but if I were to move to a place where this was considered the norm, I would most like comply. I don’t see anything wrong with choosing the most appropriate fashion for your situation, and if my situation is sitting at home with my kids, I’m far more comfy in jeans and a t-shirt than I am in a skirt. But if the situation were an office where dress was not so casual, I would more likely wear skirts, because it makes more sense in that situation.
Filed under: parenting
It’s been a long time (almost 3 years) since I delved into the magical world of cloth diapers, and I am now realizing that I have to start at the beginning again. Why, you ask? I’m helping a friend get started, and not only that, but she’s having TWINS!
I spent most of this morning doing cost breakdowns of one brand of diapers, and estimated that your average disposable diaper costs about $.28 per diaper, and $.05 for a wipe. Of course, this is relative to the diaper size (smaller cost less) and type of wipe (specialty cost more), but overall, I figured out that the price to diaper one child for 2 years in disposables costs roughly… $2,125.
Yes. You read that right. And to diaper Alex, (minus the disposables we buy about once a month on the cheap), it cost us about $150. Now, this is just the beginning, because it doesn’t include the cost of laundering, which adds roughly $220 for 2 years washed every other day (we don’t, so it’s about 1/2 that), and the cost of detergent, which we buy in bulk, saving us money, actually.
I’m not an exclusive cloth diaperer, so our total cost to cover Alex’s behind is going to be somewhere in the $750-1000 range, but still at least 1/2 of the “normal” cost.
At the present, I’m sorting out the cost of diapering 2 babies at once with diapers, covers and cloth wipes, which I thought would be $200, but is probably more like $400 (diaper supplies only), but still way less than the estimated $4250 that it could cost for disposable everything. (10% is really good!)
So, for now, I leave you with this… Would you rather pay $.28 per diaper change or $.02 per diaper change? That’s a difference of $2.30 a day! (or a cup of Starbucks tall coffee, or a dollar menu meal, or…)
Filed under: deep thoughts
I just began browsing a parenting article that I suppose has enhanced, but not changed much about my personal beliefs about child-raising. The man who wrote the article is a parenting “expert” and had in the past written some harsh views on parenting. This article changes some of those assumptions based on what his older children became when they left the home.
Basically, he realized that his harsh methods and parent-centered attitude on parenting had caused serious damage to his beliefs, if not some of his children.
What struck me most about the things that were new “revelations” to him is that many families have understood these things for generations.
The first that struck me was this:
“The reason that our dreams for our children are so vulnerable to crashing is because they are our dreams, but they involve our children. Our dreams, when you think about it, are not just for them, but also for us.”
I have a lot of fantasies about what my children will become, but I know I cannot push any of my dreams on them, they have to make their own dreams. I’ve known this my whole life because this is how I was raised.
One big issue that I’ve seen raised over and over again is the idea of idolizing the family. Family certainly is important, but there are those who make it as important as God in their Christian life. But even if we have a dysfunctional family and are serving God, it doesn’t much matter. I’ve seen many a single mom raise godly children, and I’ve seen homes with two parents raise an atheist. The family is valuable, but not meant to be worshipped. 12-step parenting programs are not a guarantee for success, either.
One of the most disturbing trends in parenting is the idea that if you control the outward behavior of a child, you control that child. As the author points out, and we all know to be true, you cannot control another person simply by putting limits on their outward behavior. I think the Bible says it best “Man looks at the outward appearance, but God looks at the heart.” This is a parenting lesson! The author seems to have come to this revelation painfully, and yet I hope that many others will learn it without wasting a lot of years.
The next lesson is about sheltering your children. This is one of Sam’s biggest objections to homeschooling, because he believes that most homeschoolers in Christian circles do so to shelter their children from “bad things.” This is not entirely my motivation, though it does play a small part, but my biggest one is unrelated (that schools cannot teach all children the best way for THEM–a child-focused learning system). Certainly homeschooling does offer a certain amount of shelter for children, and many parents fear what their children will become if they put them in public (or even private) schools. The thing is, this goes back to controlling, too. If we try to control what goes into our children’s heads, then we will never know what might happen when they are exposed accidentally to negative things.
And I think the biggest lesson of all is the one he saves toward the end, it’s the fact that children are people. A lot of parenting methods rely on parents thinking of their children as something less than human, or even worse, as their enemies that must be conquered. Children are not enemies (they are innocent!), and they are certainly people with their own brains. When we tell them not to use their brains, we are setting ourselves up for failure, and we are also telling them that their opinions do not matter.
I’ve often thought about why I made the Christian faith my own. It wasn’t because it was how I was raised, even though that played a part. It had more to do with my own realization of the facts, and the idea that even an intelligent person could believe in God, and even be a good Christian. Honestly, there was a lot of evidence in God’s favor, and the alternative, to me, at least, was rather bleak. With God, I have a purpose, without him, I am hopeless. This has very little to do with how my parents raised me, it was something I had to discover on my own. It’s troubling to realize that our faith does not automatically mean our children’s faith. It’s frustrating to know that we have to witness to our own children to direct them toward Christ, because we cannot be their salvation. But it’s also freeing to know that it all doesn’t rest on our shoulders (their salvation, I mean). We cannot save them by rules and regulations, so why should we continue to put up walls that will eventually fall?
Parenting, like Christianity, is about a relationship. In parenting, we initiate the relationship, we the parents must be “like God” in that we seek our children’s hearts. Our children most likely will respond with love, because they desire relationship as well. Through a healthy parenting relationship, we can direct our children to a relationship with God. This is why Christianity is not like other religions, because they are reliant on formulas, service, good deeds, etc. But Christianity is completely dependent on us having a healthy relationship with God. If we understand parenting to be like Christianity, it could potentially change the entire fact of Christian parenting books. No two adults are alike, so what makes us think that all children are the same?
Ultimately, our purpose is to serve God, giving Jesus our heart, and if we are doing that, in general, all of our other relationships (at least as far as WE are concerned) will follow. Loving our neighbor is something of a by-product of loving God. If we are abiding in Him, our other relationships will likely flourish. But this isn’t a formula, it’s a way of life.
Sam and I have started phase one of the South Beach diet today. We aren’t going to do it religiously, because we know that it can be impractical to do it during holidays and stuff like that. But we are doing it mostly right, and hoping to see some real results in the next 5 weeks.
Aside from that, I’ve done Pilates almost every day for over a week. I’m actually proud of myself for sticking to it, even though there have been days, like yesterday, that I really just wanted to go to bed, but I chose to work out instead, and it is starting to look like it’s going to pay off soon.
I’ve found a new motivation, one that I’m hoping will continue to motivate me for the next 30 pounds, which is that there is no reason that I can’t look and feel better, and there’s really no reason that I have to be “fat” (not fat, just not my ideal weight) just because I am a mom.
I got this from none other than Melissa Joan Hart. I know, it sounds really strange, but she and I are about the same size, and she weighed in about where I am now after having her last baby. She’s now down to 113 I think, and I also realized that I haven’t weighed less than 120 since the day I graduated high school. I’m not saying I want to go down to an unhealthy weight, but I would like to weigh at least what I did then, and have a more toned body (which is why the Pilates). I wore a size 8 when I graduated high school, and I only wear 2 sizes bigger now, but even those are tight. I honestly want to get down to a 6 if possible.
I don’t know why this goal has come out in the last two weeks, I don’t know why I found her story so motivating. I just know that if I want Sam to lose weight, I’m going to have to follow suit, because it would be totally hypocritical of me to ask him to get down to his “ideal” weight while I sit comfortably in my belly flab.
A quote:
“If the Bible is “just a book,” it should not be uniquely excluded. If the Bible is more than “just a book,” it is to our folly to exclude it.” Bill Shuler
I don’t know this particular pastor’s personal convictions, but I know that what he says here makes a lot of sense.
This is something to keep in mind when speaking to a person who is hostile toward the Bible and its teachings.
If the Bible is just a collection of stories (whether true or made up), then it will have no bearing on our behavior, and it is just like any other book, and people can say they don’t like it, or ignore it, but there is no need to be openly hostile towards it. But if it is the Truth, if it means something more than any other book, it speaks volumes about those who oppose its application. Frankly, the fact that anyone would speak out to ban the Bible from school, from public assembly, or whatever they may try, means more than just hostility toward its teachings. It also speaks to a fear of its influence.
No other book has been so criticized, so opposed, so dissected as the Bible. If it’s just a book, why would anyone waste their time trying to discredit it? Why would it matter so much?
I finished Frank Peretti’s Prophet in record time. I started it sometime in February I think, but put it down for a while, then picked it up this week and finished it in about 2 and a half days.
After reading the last 2 chapters yesterday morning, I spent most of the day mulling over what it represented. The hardest part about reading a book based on some parts of reality is that it can’t just be tossed aside. Do you do something about it? Do you just pray with everything inside you? Or do you push it to the back of your mind and try to forget you ever found out about it?
Well, option #3 isn’t for me, so for now, it’s #2, but maybe someday soon it will be #1.
You see, the book is all about the abortion debate. And the more I read about it, the more I learn, the more muddy and confusing the issue becomes. It’s not black and white as those on the outside often assume. Condescension and condemnation don’t work. It’s not a simple issue, as much as those on both sides often want us to believe. But those on the INSIDE know the reality. There are many layers to the issue, and certainly you cannot forget women, but you can’t forget children, either.
I’ve seen this quote before, but it bears repeating:
“If abortion IS NOT the ending of a human person’s life, then no justification for abortion is necessary.
If abortion IS the ending of a human person’s life, then no justification for abortion is adequate.”
- Greg Koukl
A lot of people on the pro-choice side would have you believe that even though you are ending a life, you are “saving” another. Not in the sense of life and death, but in the sense that becoming a mother when one is not prepared is tantamount to the end of life as you know it. Guess what? So is having a baby you planned for and wanted long before they were conceived. Abortion, like many other things we do, is all about selfishness. But there are many young women who are pushed into abortions without really knowing what the ramifications are. But they are pushed there by people who want to either make money off of them, or by people who don’t want a baby to complicate their own lives, so they use their power over a scared and helpless young woman to force her into a decision she might not have made on her own.
See, because sin is selfish behavior. When we lie, it’s to keep someone from finding out something bad about ourselves. If we steal, it’s not because we’re going to give something away! If we murder, it is out of a belief that the death of this other person would benefit us in some way. And it all leads to the same end.
But the problem with abortion is bigger than that. The problem is that more and more women are getting pregnant and are in crisis. And no one is trying to educate these women about how to prevent pregnancy! I don’t think “no one” is doing it, but that if so many women “need” to have abortions, then we aren’t doing enough to help prevent unwanted pregnancies before they happen.
I have heard people complain about lack of education, lack of resources, but the fact is that anyone who knows a little something about how conception works should probably be willing to share that knowledge (like spreading the gospel, in a way) with anyone who doesn’t know. They aren’t really teaching this stuff in health classes, and most young girls who get pregnant really don’t even understand the mechanism. Who is responsible for that? They can’t always get that information on their own or even from their parents (who may not know themselves how it all really works).
It’s something to consider that girls need to have older women who can share with them how to practically prevent pregnancy, but this is only one drop in the pond of how to reduce abortion.
Filed under: projects
We have undertaken another project. It seems like projects are really popular right now in this house, but this one is a big/needed one. We are repainting the deck.
Now, we had to clean it first, which was kind of hard to do, but it’s done, and we’ve started painting. Sam started with a cheap color he got the other day, and I saw it, and my reaction was “I hate it.” It was like a bright red-orange or orange-red. I don’t know why anyone would have wanted that color on their wood, but someone else had it made and it was an “oops” can (maybe they DIDN’T want it!).
Anyway, he got a brown (“Russet”) last night, and it is a near match to what we had before. It’s already taking shape, but for the record, I’ll just say that the FLOOR of the deck is nearly 500 square feet. You read that right. 500. Which is the size of an apartment we once lived in. It’s enormous. And there are three built-in benches, not to mention a wooden gazebo or canopy or whatever you want to call it on the second level. We’re hoping 2 gallons will be enough…
No, the front yard isn’t finished, but it will be soon, there’s really not a lot left to do. The Rodeo is gone from the driveway (I did a little happy dance!) and that needs cleaned now from all the dirt that got underneath and didn’t wash away.
But we’re hoping this project in the back will only take a few more days and then we’ll be on to the next thing–finishing the garage!
Filed under: Uncategorized
Well, I know summer doesn’t “officially” start until the 21st, but it’s basically starting now, since I have a whole lot going on over the next 2 months. It’s going to be busy! So Nour and I have decided to do a “summer camp” thing (with FlyLady), and I’m trying to figure out how it’s all going to work out, since we’ve got a lot to do, and I could really use her help doing most of the cleaning.
What are we up to?
- Small group meeting here starting tonight!
- Sam’s parents arriving in about 3 weeks for a week or two (I don’t know any details)
- Two weeks of preparing to go to Egypt, which includes making sure the entire house is clean and free of moldy things that might cause a stink! Also have to get all the laundry done and pack.
- Two and a half weeks in Egypt!
- When we get back, it will be a lot quieter! I don’t think we have any plans in August yet, and I’m glad about that, because I think we’ll need a few weeks to recover from our “vacation.”
