Filed under: deep thoughts
As I’ve mentioned, I’ve been in a bit of a dry spell lately, and I have had a couple of revelations lately that are making me start to think about things in a different way.
The first one is that I can honestly say that I’m not having very much fun staying at home right now. I wanted to stay home because I thought it would be fun to watch my kids grow up from the front row and to be there and have time to play with them, but there are days when I don’t feel like I even have the time for it, because so many other things tend to get in the way, and I want to actively work to change that. I think that staying home should be fun, not always, but most days, and I’m starting to understand that things aren’t the rosy picture I dreamed they would be.
The second is actually the first one I realized, and it is that I haven’t been very selfless lately. I’m not saying I’ve been completely selfish, but I have been getting more and more annoyed with demands on “my” time, and I think I got called out by God on that yesterday. It’s not something that is going to change immediately, but knowing it is a big step in the right direction. There have been a lot of roadblocks in my road lately, and I think knowing these two are there is maybe going to help me sidestep them better.
I called these “revelations for me” because they aren’t some universal truth. I know that everyone should be more selfless and that being able to have fun with life is important, but it’s not like everyone can have the same revelation at the same time. We all have different phases in our lives, and this is where I am. I get really tired of people having “easy fixes” for real issues, especially when those real issues are not always easy to fix, and the fix is different for all of us. I’m really just sharing this because I feel like it’s a huge leap from where I was a week ago, and I don’t know if I’ll be back in that place again tomorrow, but today feels better.
Filed under: cooking and baking
I made lime curd tonight and it is really good. My only regret was not grinding the zest more or straining it out at the end. It gives the curd some texture that takes away from the really sweet flavor.
I had a fleeting and odd thought the other day, and I honestly couldn’t tell you why, but I was thinking about fruit and the thought was “I’d rather be citrus.” Can’t tell you much more than that, but I’ll be honest, I love citrus fruit. I would prefer to grow oranges, limes and lemons to apples and peaches (even though I love them all), because they are simply gorgeous to me when they are on the tree. The only reason I would EVER go back to SO. Cali would be to steal *ahem* get their beautiful citrus fruits that grow there and are harvested in WINTER!!! Yes, I know I sound a bit crazy, but being an Ohioan who doesn’t get out much, I had no idea that limes were so big and that they were still on the tree in December. Wow. I also really want a Meyer Lemon Tree because they sound cool and you can grow them inside in the bad weather like what we have here…
Anyway, back to the curd. I love citrus curd, lemon bars, lime bars, etc. I like sweet/sour flavors together (Sam hates this, btw–but likes Limeade???) I will have to try this with lemons or oranges, because it was really good with the lime. I will most likely use it on toast and crackers, because it was meant to be savored that way!
Recipe: Lime, Orange or Lemon Curd
I mentioned a while back that I was going to work on getting a blog book discussion up on the book Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis. If you’ve ever read the book, or would like an excuse to do so, please check it out, it’s in the links under “Me.” If you haven’t read it yet, it’s a really good book to read more about the basics of Christianity, so check it out!
Filed under: deep thoughts
I’ve been on the verge of tears a lot lately, particularly yesterday morning at church. I might be hormonal, but mostly, I’m just feeling a deep spiritual need that I’m finding it hard to fill. Yesterday’s sermon was one that just leaves you thinking, “so what the heck am I supposed to do now?” Basically, it was about suffering, the physical kind, mostly, but suffering in general, and it was based in Job.
I have to say that it’s quite possible that I’m in the valley right now, not because I don’t feel like God is near, but because I know that He is and I can’t feel Him or see Him. When it comes to doubt, I’ve got my fair share, but this is something different, something I can’t really explain (so why am I trying?). It’s more like a lingering feeling of sadness over the state of the world. It goes along with feeling a large amount of empathy for people around me who are suffering, but it also has to do with being really bothered by people who are determined to kick God in the face. I know that there’s nothing I can do for these people (the second group), or that my indignation really doesn’t help or hurt God, but there are people who I care about who are in this position, and I can’t help but feel frustrated that they are throwing away their lives.
I’ve had a few of those mountaintop moments, where it feels like I’m almost touching God, but sometimes I wonder about the validity of those moments. Are they real, or do we just get caught up in emotion. I’m in the valley, I’ve been so far away from the mountains for so long that I can’t really remember what it was like. Besides, I suppose it doesn’t matter much whether it’s really real or not, because it’s all about the experience at those moments.
I’ve mentioned a desire to get to know more about Jesus, by reading the gospels, and I think I’m starting to begin to value the importance of not just feeling but understanding when it comes to our faith. I don’t believe Christianity is simply an emotional experience, but emotion is definitely part of it. I believe that you have to want to know everything you can, too. See, faith in Jesus involves your entire being. If you feel it, great. If you do what he says, great. If you learn all you can, great. If you do all of that, you are truly experiencing Christ, and you are “doing” Christianity, with your whole heart, soul, strength, and mind.
I can’t predict when I will be led to a mountaintop experience, but right now I’m settling into the valley to understand and do.
*I moved my 100 things to a page so you don’t have to read them or see them unless you want to.
I currently have my basement door covered in papers that have the 5 s’s on them, and I’m working out how to best implement them in my life. The reason I’m doing this is that even though I’ve found that FlyLady and other systems work well, they aren’t an end all for everyone, and I’m trying to find a system (or make one) that works well for ME, not a generic system that could be fitted into anyone’s lifestyle, even though, in reality, a system like that is still modified greatly every time a single person starts to use it.
Anyway, since I was introduced to the 5S principles (see earlier post), I have been trying to put all of the main principles from FlyLady into one of the categories. It’s pretty easy to see how everything works together, and even though she may not even be aware that her system works like this, it does, in fact.
At some point in the near future, I hope to post my thoughts on exactly how FlyLady can become the 5S principles, and show you an example of how practically any “system” of cleaning can fit into this mentality. It’s a great way to organize your thoughts, because cleaning this way is such a simple process, it doesn’t really need to be all that complicated. Of course, you get into more complex systems once you are organized, but the whole point is that it should take less time to clean an area (daily) than it does to actually USE that space.
Filed under: deep thoughts
I’ve been going through a spiritual fog lately, it seems like every time I turn around, there is someone trying to tell me what I should believe. I struggle with feeling overwhelmed, and it’s hard not to bury my head in the sand or run away screaming, because the overload of information is more than just confusing. It’s maddening.
I am not ashamed of my beliefs, and for the most part, I know where I stand on certain issues. I’m not talking about anything outside of spiritual beliefs, I’m talking about knowing what the Bible says and how I should respond to it.
Yesterday, though, I was reading one of my favorite simple devotionals, My Utmost for His Highest, by Oswald Chambers. It has 366 individual daily devotions, each for one day of the year. I’ve probably read it a few times, but yesterday’s page just hit me like a splash of cold water. I don’t really know how to explain it, so I’ll put some of it here.
“Christ did not send me to baptize, but to preach the gospel…” (1 Corinthians 1:17)
Paul states here that the call of God is to preach the gospel. But remember what Paul means by “the gospel,” namely, the reality of redemption in our Lord Jesus Christ. We are inclined to make sanctification the goal of our preaching. Paul refers to personal experineces only by way of illustration, never as the end of the matter. We are not commissioned to preach salvation or sanctification–we are commissioned to lift up Jesus Christ (see John 12:32). It is an injustice to say that Jesus Christ labored in redemption to make me a saint. Jesus Christ labored in redemption to redeem the whole world and to place it perfectly whole and restored before the throne of God. The fact that we can experience redemption illustrates the power of its reality, but that experience is a byproduct and not the goal of redemption. If God were human, how sick and tired He would be of the constant requests we make for our salvation and for our sanctification. We burden His energies from morning till night asking for things for ourselves or for something from which we want to be delivered! When we finally touch the underlying foundation of the reality of the gospel of God, we will never bother Him anymore with little personal complaints.
He’s a little unorthodox, but the point is that things like this often overturn our perception of practically everything. I can remember something similar happening to me several years ago when I was studying the ministry of Jesus, and it occurs to me that we Christians have a lot of misconceptions. We can try, and we can spend our whole lives trying to figure it out, but even those closest to Jesus sometimes got it wrong after he was gone. Peter is probably one of the most notable members of the original 12 Apostles, yet he was called out by Jesus numerous times, and even once by Paul. It’s ironic that Paul became the Apostle who opposed Peter the way he did, but this, also, turns perception sideways.
I’m on a journey, not of self-discovery, but of Christ-discovery. I don’t know how long this journey will last, certainly for the rest of my life, but the goal is to know Jesus. I feel like I’m just starting out, but maybe I just hit some turbulence and I have to pick myself up and set out again, rather than feeling like I’m starting from the beginning again.
