Filed under: deep thoughts
Sometimes when I am on the internet, I’m bad. I spend too much time reading blogs that people write who think they have all the answers but are really lost and enslaved.
I came across one today where the woman (who claims to be a Christian and is a pastor’s wife) ranted about the evils of IVF, called gay men rude words that I will not repeat, and spouted hatred at every turn to any who disagreed with her position. Not only that, but she is PROUD to be called “judgmental” and considers it a compliment. It was right there in her blog.
I would say this surprised me, but it doesn’t. It just makes me want to cry. I pray she will find out who Jesus really is, and one day she will make amends to those whom she has hurt with her words. I know I’m not perfect, and I’ll probably make the same mistakes more than once, but I would rather not see anyone perish.
Come, Lord Jesus.
Filed under: deep thoughts
There’s a worship song that was big in the 90’s called “Take my Life.” The song didn’t have these words in it, it was just the title, but the verses themselves were simple.
“Faithfulness/Righteousness/Holiness is what I long for, … is what I need, …is what you want from me” In my own church, often a verse was added to say “Brokenness.”
Theologically speaking, I don’t think God requires brokenness of us, but I think that we all do need to be made aware of our own fragility, which I suppose you could read into this song.
Something that I’ve been seeing more and more the last few days as I wade through the thoughts of other people on the internet is that we are all really broken, and many of us don’t realize it at all, or don’t know to call it that.
Legalism is a wildfire that threatens to destroy the church, but I’ve noticed that the people who buy into legalistic teachings most easily are those who are really in need of freedom and peace in their lives. They think that the law will bring freedom, but this couldn’t be further from the truth. Paul tells us that those who live under the law will be judged by the law (Romans 2:12).
But later in the same letter, he says this:
“Now we know that whatever the law says, it says to those who are under the law, so that every mouth may be silenced and the whole world held accountable to God. Therefore no one will be declared righteous in his sight by observing the law; rather, through the law we become conscious of sin. But now a righteousness from God, apart from law, has been made known, to which the Law and the Prophets testify. This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe.” (3:19-22, emphasis mine)
So what Paul is saying here is that no law can make you righteous in the eyes of God. In fact, law does the exact opposite, it condemns everyone. The only way to be righteous is through faith, not law.
I couldn’t decide what to call this post, because it’s kind of a mixture of thoughts on 8 years of marriage and how much learning is really involved in growing up in general.
I’ve been reading a blog lately by a young married woman (24) [an internet stranger] who is really trying t0 figure out/justify her family’s lifestyle choices. It’s kind of sad, because I see myself in her, my own opinionated attitude coming out through her blog posts, and a haughtiness I’ve often been convicted of in my own attitude.
What strikes me most about it is the attitude that at even 24-25 years old we have to have it all figured out. I don’t know when I learned that lesson, but I did learn that I don’t have to, nor do I actually, have it all figured out (yet, and I’m 5 years older now). What bugs me more than her resemblance to myself is an even greater unwillingness to bend and to change her beliefs and attitude even to her own benefit.
I can’t really recall a specific thing that I’ve learned in the last 29 years, or the last 8 years of marriage or 4.5 years of parenthood that made me realize that I’ve still got a lot to learn, because there really are so many things. And it’s an ongoing process.
I’m proud of being married for 8 years, though, to be honest, it’s not like it was really all that hard to “stay” married, because I wanted to be married, and when you want something, you work hard for it, or to keep it. I can understand how marriage is hard, but I’ve never wanted out. I think the only way to have a truly successful marriage is to always be yourself, before marriage and after. If you try to be anyone other than you, you will either be unhappy or make your partner unhappy. And the success of a marriage isn’t about the length, it’s about whether two people are still in love by the end.
As far as my spiritual beliefs, I was pretty firm in these from high school, and I don’t think I’ve changed much, except that I’ve grown in understanding, and probably become a little more gentle in my disagreements with others. The only way to persuade people that you disagree with is gently, because knocking them over the head with a Bible doesn’t really do much good, for you, them, or the Bible.
I’ve learned not to be trivial, not to split hairs over what’s “biblical” or “unbiblical” because there is a lot of stuff that is just “nonbiblical” (not in the Bible either way). I think I prefer that term to either of the above, because it wastes a lot less time.
For example, one of the things [internet stranger] has on her blog is a complaint that her church wants her to do the “unbiblical” thing that is taking her babies to the nursery, while she wants to do the “biblical” thing and keep the babies with her in church. People on either side of the issue have constructed their “biblical” arguments about why they feel they are right, but the whole thing stinks of church politics and hair splitting. The truth is, if a mom wants to keep her kids in church, that’s her prerogative (as long as they aren’t noisy and distracting), but if she’d rather sit in church and have her kids in the nursery, there’s nothing wrong with that either. In a church of large size like ours, this is, of course, a non-issue, as each parent has the option of doing what they please, as long as they get to church on time. But whether it’s biblical or not has nothing to do with it. It’s certainly biblical to teach kids about Jesus, whether it’s done in the sermon, or with goldfish crackers and flannel-graph. To try to prove our biblicality (I know, not a word) is falsely spiritual, possibly sinful, if done in a judgmental way.
But it really comes down to this, personal opinions are just that. Personal. No one should judge others based on their own opinion or perception of what’s “right” when it is of little ultimate concern. And one should not have to justify their own personal choices by trying to prove they are “biblical” because it’s just a waste of effort and time.
I don’t know if all my choices in marriage and raising children are approved by others in the church. I’m sure if they were judging me I wouldn’t want to know it, because they are my choices and I don’t have to feel bad about them, because I’m doing what I hope is right for my own family.
Filed under: gardening
That’s what I “found” today under the potato flowers. Nearly 2 pounds of potatoes, 8 small ones, of course, but that much!
I was really excited when I found the first one, because I had heard that I should be able to find a few small ones after the first green sprouts came up, but I had checked around a few times and found nothing. Well, I was so happy today when I found these, and there were a bunch more tiny ones growing out from the center.
I’ve also harvested a lot of tomatoes, of the smaller varieties, and they are really yummy!
But since it’s Mona’s birthday today, I think I’ll try to cook up something special with the potatoes.
I forgot to update this yesterday, but I managed in the month of June to do a Pilates workout 20 times. I plan on doing 10 more this month before our trip. I didn’t do any measurements prior to beginning, and now I wish I had. I know I’ve gotten a somewhat firmer tummy (!) but I don’t know that it’s made much difference in my weight.
I am also proud to say that my stamina during the workouts has improved. I’ve gotten stronger and I’m able to do most of the workouts without modification, some are still more difficult, but I’m getting better every time. I hope to add to my workout and change it around a little bit, but I’m not sure how to do it the best way. I will admit that I’m really proud of myself for sticking with it for a month, and I hope that I can keep going, even doing it on a regular basis from now on if I can keep on track. It’s really helped me with my posture, and I feel really good after each workout.
Filed under: Bible Lexicon
About 9 years ago, I started working on a Bible project that, so far, is nowhere near finished, but is still in the beginning stages. I suppose life got in the way, but it’s something I still have in mind to complete, unless someone else does it first. But for a little while now, I’ve had another Bible project in my mind that I don’t even know how to begin.
Basically, the first project would be an online, cross-reference Bible, where all verses that are related topically would be cross-referenced by clicking on a footnote. Then you can study each topic, or find verses that are related in another way (like New Testament quotes of OT), and such. I don’t know how far I want to take it, because you never want to jumble the screen with too much, and I’m not a program designer (yet), so I don’t really know how much I could do at this point, anyway.
But my “new” idea is a Bible Lexicon similar to the Harry Potter Lexicon that has now become famous. This would not be a Bible itself, it would arrange Bible topics, people, places, and things in a way that you could easily search (including a search form). The idea would be to aid in Bible study and history, like finding all events that happened in one town all together, hopefully enriching knowledge of the Bible and even possibly understanding. It wouldn’t necessarily be useful in every case, and it would not be a commentary, just definitions of things, with verse references and common items grouped together.
I know that this is a highly ambitious project, but with something like the HP lexicon out there being managed by a small group of people, I don’t see how it could be more difficult to do the same with the Bible, considering that its size is roughly the same as the sum of the HP books (if not smaller…).
Just as the HPL is arranged alphabetically, by book, by topic, etc., there would be multiple arrangements in the Bible Lexicon as well. Each book would have a basic overview, with people named, events that took place, and things like that. There are a million ways to do this, but I’m taking most of my cues from their arrangement, changing and adding in a way that makes sense for the Bible, rather than a set of fictional novels!
Anyway, I think this is a great idea, because it’s something that can be done for practically any large book or book series, and the Bible is certainly a large book. The intention is not to trivialize the Bible’s importance, but rather to enhance understanding, clear up confusion in some cases, and overall provide knowledge (for free!) in one place, rather than having people searching all over the internet and books for conflicting information that is not helpful.
I’ll be starting on my own, but hope to find helpful assistance from people with vast Bible knowledge to edit or contribute.
My attitude toward fashion has changed significantly recently, and while I can trace the change back to a certain movie that I watched, the same movie gave me two very contrary perspectives on the “fashion world.”
On the one hand, fashion can be viewed as a “god” (or “goddess”, for that matter) to many. She is adored, idolized, and sacrificed to on a daily basis. The “price” of fashion is great, and what comes with it is often the well-being of the soul.
But on the other hand, one of the main characters pointed out that those in the fashion world hand our styles to us on a plate. Color, design, style, are all filtered down to the masses from “high above.” While this certainly doesn’t seem like a wonderful purpose, clothing in our world is something of a necessity, so we need someone to look out for our “sense” of fashion, whether we follow the trends or only buy a new outfit every other year.
Sam has been reacting positively to my changes, from the style of clothing I’ve started picking out to the fact that I care about how my hair looks when we go out the front door. I think I go through phases on this, but in general, I have, in the past, cared very little about the way I look when I leave the house. But I’m taking more notice now, and I honestly don’t know what about that movie or life in general pushed me to change this attitude.
I certainly don’t think that I want to become more materialistic. I am very aware of cost, and I am very cautious about what I buy and when, and especially how much it is going to cost. I don’t want to spend a lot of money to look good, because you don’t have to.
But this isn’t just about that. It’s about how in the world I can serve Jesus with all of this? I wouldn’t go downtown to help the poor in 4″ heels and a miniskirt, so what use is it? Well, I think that in our society, looking somewhat put-together on a day-to-day basis is important. And it doesn’t hurt to help you get a job if you need one. And doing this in a modest and appropriate way is even better as a Christian woman.
I don’t believe that modesty means that you have to be frumpy, and I don’t believe it means you have to dress like Laura Ingles. I think it means that you can take fashion and do it modestly. Wearing shorter skirts isn’t immodest, showing a little leg isn’t bad. It’s when you do so in hopes of getting attention from men who aren’t your husband and all the while wearing a sexy demeanor and behaving like a teenage girl who giggles at all the cute guys. It’s wearing fashionable clothes in a professional manner.
The thing about modesty is that women are not at fault for the lustful thoughts of men UNLESS they dress intentionally to make men lust after them. If I’m dressing just to look nice and a man lusts after me, that is not my sin. I do not take credit nor do I feel that I should be blamed. It is the same way if a woman looks lustfully at a man. We cannot blame the object of our lust for our sin, anymore than we can blame a rape victim for being raped! In God’s eyes this is one and the same sin.
If a woman does not want a man to ever look at her lustfully, I can understand that, but I can also say that there is a bigger issue at work in her, and she needs to examine that.
I recently posed the scenario to my husband that I’m not a huge fan of wearing dresses on a daily basis, but if I were to move to a place where this was considered the norm, I would most like comply. I don’t see anything wrong with choosing the most appropriate fashion for your situation, and if my situation is sitting at home with my kids, I’m far more comfy in jeans and a t-shirt than I am in a skirt. But if the situation were an office where dress was not so casual, I would more likely wear skirts, because it makes more sense in that situation.
Filed under: parenting
It’s been a long time (almost 3 years) since I delved into the magical world of cloth diapers, and I am now realizing that I have to start at the beginning again. Why, you ask? I’m helping a friend get started, and not only that, but she’s having TWINS!
I spent most of this morning doing cost breakdowns of one brand of diapers, and estimated that your average disposable diaper costs about $.28 per diaper, and $.05 for a wipe. Of course, this is relative to the diaper size (smaller cost less) and type of wipe (specialty cost more), but overall, I figured out that the price to diaper one child for 2 years in disposables costs roughly… $2,125.
Yes. You read that right. And to diaper Alex, (minus the disposables we buy about once a month on the cheap), it cost us about $150. Now, this is just the beginning, because it doesn’t include the cost of laundering, which adds roughly $220 for 2 years washed every other day (we don’t, so it’s about 1/2 that), and the cost of detergent, which we buy in bulk, saving us money, actually.
I’m not an exclusive cloth diaperer, so our total cost to cover Alex’s behind is going to be somewhere in the $750-1000 range, but still at least 1/2 of the “normal” cost.
At the present, I’m sorting out the cost of diapering 2 babies at once with diapers, covers and cloth wipes, which I thought would be $200, but is probably more like $400 (diaper supplies only), but still way less than the estimated $4250 that it could cost for disposable everything. (10% is really good!)
So, for now, I leave you with this… Would you rather pay $.28 per diaper change or $.02 per diaper change? That’s a difference of $2.30 a day! (or a cup of Starbucks tall coffee, or a dollar menu meal, or…)
Filed under: deep thoughts
I just began browsing a parenting article that I suppose has enhanced, but not changed much about my personal beliefs about child-raising. The man who wrote the article is a parenting “expert” and had in the past written some harsh views on parenting. This article changes some of those assumptions based on what his older children became when they left the home.
Basically, he realized that his harsh methods and parent-centered attitude on parenting had caused serious damage to his beliefs, if not some of his children.
What struck me most about the things that were new “revelations” to him is that many families have understood these things for generations.
The first that struck me was this:
“The reason that our dreams for our children are so vulnerable to crashing is because they are our dreams, but they involve our children. Our dreams, when you think about it, are not just for them, but also for us.”
I have a lot of fantasies about what my children will become, but I know I cannot push any of my dreams on them, they have to make their own dreams. I’ve known this my whole life because this is how I was raised.
One big issue that I’ve seen raised over and over again is the idea of idolizing the family. Family certainly is important, but there are those who make it as important as God in their Christian life. But even if we have a dysfunctional family and are serving God, it doesn’t much matter. I’ve seen many a single mom raise godly children, and I’ve seen homes with two parents raise an atheist. The family is valuable, but not meant to be worshipped. 12-step parenting programs are not a guarantee for success, either.
One of the most disturbing trends in parenting is the idea that if you control the outward behavior of a child, you control that child. As the author points out, and we all know to be true, you cannot control another person simply by putting limits on their outward behavior. I think the Bible says it best “Man looks at the outward appearance, but God looks at the heart.” This is a parenting lesson! The author seems to have come to this revelation painfully, and yet I hope that many others will learn it without wasting a lot of years.
The next lesson is about sheltering your children. This is one of Sam’s biggest objections to homeschooling, because he believes that most homeschoolers in Christian circles do so to shelter their children from “bad things.” This is not entirely my motivation, though it does play a small part, but my biggest one is unrelated (that schools cannot teach all children the best way for THEM–a child-focused learning system). Certainly homeschooling does offer a certain amount of shelter for children, and many parents fear what their children will become if they put them in public (or even private) schools. The thing is, this goes back to controlling, too. If we try to control what goes into our children’s heads, then we will never know what might happen when they are exposed accidentally to negative things.
And I think the biggest lesson of all is the one he saves toward the end, it’s the fact that children are people. A lot of parenting methods rely on parents thinking of their children as something less than human, or even worse, as their enemies that must be conquered. Children are not enemies (they are innocent!), and they are certainly people with their own brains. When we tell them not to use their brains, we are setting ourselves up for failure, and we are also telling them that their opinions do not matter.
I’ve often thought about why I made the Christian faith my own. It wasn’t because it was how I was raised, even though that played a part. It had more to do with my own realization of the facts, and the idea that even an intelligent person could believe in God, and even be a good Christian. Honestly, there was a lot of evidence in God’s favor, and the alternative, to me, at least, was rather bleak. With God, I have a purpose, without him, I am hopeless. This has very little to do with how my parents raised me, it was something I had to discover on my own. It’s troubling to realize that our faith does not automatically mean our children’s faith. It’s frustrating to know that we have to witness to our own children to direct them toward Christ, because we cannot be their salvation. But it’s also freeing to know that it all doesn’t rest on our shoulders (their salvation, I mean). We cannot save them by rules and regulations, so why should we continue to put up walls that will eventually fall?
Parenting, like Christianity, is about a relationship. In parenting, we initiate the relationship, we the parents must be “like God” in that we seek our children’s hearts. Our children most likely will respond with love, because they desire relationship as well. Through a healthy parenting relationship, we can direct our children to a relationship with God. This is why Christianity is not like other religions, because they are reliant on formulas, service, good deeds, etc. But Christianity is completely dependent on us having a healthy relationship with God. If we understand parenting to be like Christianity, it could potentially change the entire fact of Christian parenting books. No two adults are alike, so what makes us think that all children are the same?
Ultimately, our purpose is to serve God, giving Jesus our heart, and if we are doing that, in general, all of our other relationships (at least as far as WE are concerned) will follow. Loving our neighbor is something of a by-product of loving God. If we are abiding in Him, our other relationships will likely flourish. But this isn’t a formula, it’s a way of life.
Sam and I have started phase one of the South Beach diet today. We aren’t going to do it religiously, because we know that it can be impractical to do it during holidays and stuff like that. But we are doing it mostly right, and hoping to see some real results in the next 5 weeks.
Aside from that, I’ve done Pilates almost every day for over a week. I’m actually proud of myself for sticking to it, even though there have been days, like yesterday, that I really just wanted to go to bed, but I chose to work out instead, and it is starting to look like it’s going to pay off soon.
I’ve found a new motivation, one that I’m hoping will continue to motivate me for the next 30 pounds, which is that there is no reason that I can’t look and feel better, and there’s really no reason that I have to be “fat” (not fat, just not my ideal weight) just because I am a mom.
I got this from none other than Melissa Joan Hart. I know, it sounds really strange, but she and I are about the same size, and she weighed in about where I am now after having her last baby. She’s now down to 113 I think, and I also realized that I haven’t weighed less than 120 since the day I graduated high school. I’m not saying I want to go down to an unhealthy weight, but I would like to weigh at least what I did then, and have a more toned body (which is why the Pilates). I wore a size 8 when I graduated high school, and I only wear 2 sizes bigger now, but even those are tight. I honestly want to get down to a 6 if possible.
I don’t know why this goal has come out in the last two weeks, I don’t know why I found her story so motivating. I just know that if I want Sam to lose weight, I’m going to have to follow suit, because it would be totally hypocritical of me to ask him to get down to his “ideal” weight while I sit comfortably in my belly flab.
